06. August 2008 · 9 comments · Categories: General

By:  Lynn Green

I’ve never been the type to be pressed to have a man in my life. That may be because I grew up with my father in the home and I have brothers and a male dominated family. I am married but I would not have lowered my standards had I never gotten married.

What I often see is a desperation in many, many women. And that desperation reaches beyond ethnicity, race, culture, etc. Too many women are hard-up for a man. For some women it is an actual sickness. Unfortunately, when you look at the caliber of man that such women pick up, you wonder why she would want to take on a problem? At least living alone, she was not being abused and her children were safe.

I’ll never forget a letter I receive about six years ago. It was from a woman telling me about a low class pedophile she had picked up and moved into her apartment. Believe it or not, she had been warned by quite a few different people that he had been locked up for abusing a young girl. She chose not to believe it, in spite of being told by several people.

When he moved in with her, her daughter was 6 months old. Of course, babies don’t talk, so we will never know what all he was doing to that baby! One night, when the child was 5 years of age, the mother decided to go to Bible Study. She asked her boyfriend to come with her. He did not want to. Instead, he stayed at home and raped her child while she was away in bible study.

    Of course I have several questions:

1. Why did he move into her apartment as opposed to her moving into his—if shacking up was the plan? Why do SO MANY WOMEN move bums into their homes? Why don’t women stop to ask themselves why it is that the men cannot find their own places to live? So her first mistake was moving this bum in, and especially around her child.

2. Why did she live with him for five years, unmarried?

3. In light of the fact that she had been warned by several people that he was a pedophile, why did she leave him alone with her little girl? And why didn’t she take the child to church with her? Did he offer to keep the child at home?

In fact, in her letter to me, she mentioned that since he had “raised” the child from the age of 6 months, she did not believe he would ever hurt the child. Hmmmmm…that tells me that it was in the back of her mind that he was a pedophile but her selfish need to have a man—any man, overrode her responsibility as a parent to protect that child. She chose having a man over protecting her child.

All over the world “boyfriends” are beating, raping, maiming and murdering the children of their girlfriends. And as I was researching for this article, look at this recent case that I uncovered:

A 3-year-old Wilson boy was beaten to death Tuesday by his mother’s boyfriend, according to borough police.

Eugenio Torres, 21, was charged Wednesday with criminal homicide in the death of Elijah Strickland, who lived with his mother, Lauren Anderson, and Torres at 312 S. 17th St. Firefighters had been called to the home Tuesday morning, where they found the boy unresponsive, and called the police. Torres was a person of interest early in the investigation, said Officer Cal Siegfried.

“He was the only one we could put the child with” from the time the boy’s mother left him to the time a 911 call was made, Siegfried said.


And here are several others. Same story line, different characters:

Boyfriend kills toddler #1

Boyfriend kills child #2

Boyfriend kills child #3

Boyfriend kills children #4

Boyfriend kills toddler #5

And if you do a Google search, you’ll find many, many more such articles of boyfriends killing their girlfriends’ children.  And that does not even include the boyfriends who rape and maim their girlfriends’ children.

Question to the lurkers of this blog:

1. Are you living with a “boyfriend”? If so why?

2. Did your “boyfriend” move into your residence or did you move into his? If he moved into yours, you are sleeping with a bum, ma’am. And why are you so desperate that you would move a bum into your space? Are you that needy?

3. Do you have children? If so, why would you trust this “boyfriend” in your home around your children? What example are you setting for your children by living unmarried with a man that you picked up from somewhere and moved into your residence?

If you are a single woman living with a man outside of wedlock, you have got to do better. You are worth more than to be some man’s bed mate. What makes you think that you are not worthy of being a wife? And what makes you think that it is your responsibility to supply a place to live for a “boyfriend?”  Obviously his own mama won’t let that bum live in her house, so why is he in yours?  Why make him your problem?

Think about what you are doing. And if you cannot get that “breath and britches” out of your house for your own good, then do it for the sake of your children’s health and well being.


  1. This is sad! It also just happened in SC where the boyfriend harmed his girlfriends 3 children (not sure if they all died) and he also attacked the girlfriend when she tried to get her little daughter to the hospital.

    I don’t know why the desperation with some women. I will admit, I was desperate ONCE and it was with my first boyfriend. After he dogged me (not by sexual or physical abuse but by cheating), I never had a problem again. I was really young when I met my first boyfriend; I was only fifteen. We were together 3 years but it is because of my dealings with him, I never became so desperate again. Actually, it caused me not to trust (which isn’t always so good). Of course this was all prior to me becoming a Christian but I learned a lot after him.

    Now, even though I am not married and have no prospects, I am not one of those women who feel that time is running out and I MUST get married and therefore I will settle for anyone. Nope, not me. Actually, just 2 nights ago, I was thanking God for KEEPING me (you single Christians should know what I mean) for over ten years and not having to seek out someone to get a “fix.”

  2. I wish more women were like you, Monica. It is scary when you think of how many women there are out there who are willing to bring total strangers that they just met into their homes to live. All that in the name of having a man. No regard for their children whose lives are actually in danger.

  3. yeah, point blank – they are just selfish – thinking of themselves and their “needs” (or what they feel is a need).

    Unfortunately, I know/knew women like this. All of them old enough to know better. One of my close friends here just recently married (believe it is 3 years this year). Once she met him he told her that she cannot be around her friends etc. Red flag #1. He also told her that he didn’t like her wearing her hair in a pony tail. One day she was giving me a ride home from work (3 years ago but when they were only dating) and her mom called her cell phone to let her know that he was there – she immediately became really nervous and asked if she could come inside to “fix her hair?” What!!!!!

    Just about 1 month ago, she wanted to watch the movie “Why Did I Get Married” (hmmmm maybe she was questioning her decison); I have that movie so she invited me over so I can bring the DVD with me. Her husband normally leaves for work around 6:30 in the evening and she told me to come over around 7:00 the next evening. The next day comes and around 6:15 she calls me tells me not to come because her husband didn’t go to work. Me and my sarcastic self asked, “why can’t we all watch it together?” LOL

    Anyways, the next day, I am riding to my favorite seafood place to get something for dinner. To get to this resturant you have to ride past her street. Her house is only 2 from the corner so you could see it as you pass by. What did I see, ALL OF THEIR STUFF ON THE LAWN!!! Yep, you guessed it – the home is in foreclosure, the sherrif came and put them out. Now my friend does not work, she is pregnant, have a one year old and a child she had prior to marriage. Why wasn’t he paying the bills????

    Sometimes abuse does not only have to be physical (though I believe she is not far from that because he is very controlling) it can also be emotional. This can cause a problem for the children also. Why did she subject herself and her daughter to this?

    By the way, she had her baby today. He was there in the room so she told me not to come visit until tomorrow.

    What da world????

  4. #1 – She cannot have friends or company?

    #2 – He is not even able to keep their mortgage paid?

    #3 – What kind of marriage is that?

    Again, this desperation in some women is truly putting them in a cage and putting them literally in jeapardy.

  5. Now they all live with her Momma…so let’s add this up..

    It is Momma
    Momma’s Husband
    My friend’s first daughter (7 years old)
    My friend’s second daugher (1 year old)
    My friend’s new born (10 hours old)
    My friend’s step son (10 years old)
    My friend
    My friend’s husband

    All in a 3 bedroom condo – which one if the rooms is really really small.

    I learn a lot from watching her but I can promise you that Monica will not be in a situation such as that (with or without children).

    Oh here is the best one…

    Our other friend who helped her move her stuff off the lawn ( I called and told her what I saw and asked her to go check because I had to get home and take my midterm online) asked her why did they not do something when they receive notification of the foreclosure months ago. My friend’s response was….

    “my husband and I prayed and we felt peace” LOL Flakes!!

    So I told my friend to ask her how much peace she felt when the sherrif was throwing her stuff on the lawn for all the neighbors to see.

  6. Prayer without works is dead!

    Your friend needs to remember that.

  7. I’m just getting around to this from being in a 2 day seminar these past couple of days.

    I’ve noticed many single mothers seem to have some sort of inferiority complex that no man will want them because they have a child/children. As a result, the first man who comes along ‘skinnin and grinnin’ and doesn’t seem to mind that there is a child or a ‘posse’ in tow – these women feel like they have found some prize catch.

    They are so happy for not being rejected for once for being a ‘baby mama,’ that they don’t do their homework on finding out who this man really is, what his intentions and motives are and whether he is an ex con or sex offender. It is really sad.

    I recently met someone and in casual conversation, mentioned that I was planning to take one of my nephews to a local event in the coming weeks. This man, whom I’d just met proceeded to try and invite himself along. I backed right up and looked him dead in the eye and said, “Excuse me, but are you a pedophile?”

    He looked shocked and appalled and I didn’t care. He’d just heard me say that I was planning to take my nephew out and knew me all of 2 mins, but was trying to make it a ‘group’ outing…. My question was WHY? What is your motive? Of course he was stuttering and stammering and explained, he was merely trying to get to know me better in a setting where I might feel more comfortable. But think of how many women don’t ask and simply say, “Ok, what day and time and I’ll be there with the kids”… so the pedophile can feel them up the minute you turn your head.

    There also seems to be a high population of women of color who have low self esteem as well. Many of us tend to feel that because we have reached a certain age in life and are not married or can’t quite seem to find a decent mate, that we can ‘make it work’ with whatever comes our way. These predators know this and initially tell you all the things you long to hear; then the abuse gradually and subtly comes. It may be a negative comment about you that you simply brush off, and before you know it, it is full fledged emotional and verbal abuse and possibly followed by physical abuse and sexual abuse of you and/or your children.

    We really have to start valuing ourselves more to:
    1. Stop getting caught out there with these babies and being single parents.
    2. Stop catering to and housing these broke behind, ambition lacking, sorry excuses for men.
    3. Stop being so giddy when a man shows interest AND being so rushed to introduce him to the kids and have him around them.
    4. Stop allowing men to talk to us any kind of way, even if we think “He’s just being truthful.” If Jesus wouldn’t say it to you, then he has no business saying it to you and needs to watch the syntax and semantics of his language.

  8. Excellent post, Diva!

    I LOVE how you handled the man who invited himself on your outing with your nephew.

    Another trick that such men use is to offer to take the child to the bathroom! Oh, Lord!

  9. Thanks. Oh yes, I know about the taking them to the bathroom mess and I don’t play that either. My sister tells me I am worse than she is in being overprotective, but my motto is “Prevention is better than a cure.”