14. April 2009 · 9 comments · Categories: General

By:  Lynn

      It never ceases to amaze me the levels to which some black women are willing to stoop to say they have a “man” in their lives. It’s embarrassing, really.

In short, a friend with “benefits” simply means that the man gets to lay up and suck, lick and have all manner of sexual intercourse with the woman with no strings attached. AND….there are a growing number of dumb women going along with that garbage.

Pause there. Black women have the fastest growing AIDS cases. Many black women are afflicted with herpes, warts, HPV and a number of other viruses and diseases. Not to mention babies outside of wedlock. Why? Because too many sisters are lowering themselves to the level of an alley cat and becoming “mistresses” and “friends with benefits”.

Sisters….are you not worthy of being a wife? What’s up? If someone has to be the man’s lap dog, why you? Why settle for that?

Recently I had a conversation with a black woman who had a 14 year old daughter and a 4 year old daughter. She was in court with the father of the 4 year old, trying to get him to pay child support. She mentioned that at the same time he had gotten her pregnant, he had another woman pregnant—plus he has several other young children.

Then she discussed her oldest daughter’s father and talked about how when she was pregnant with her oldert daughter, she slashed the tires of the baby’s “father” out of rage of him dating someone else.

I remember wondering to myself why she would feel comfortable having unprotected sexual relations with these bums who are only good for making babies and why was she so carefree about getting pregnant by such an individual? Had the thought ever occurred to her that it would be a good idea to marry first, then start having children?

Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey in 2006. Link

Black women are in control of their own destiny and do not need to settle for being a “friend with benefits” or someone’s mistress. I am comfortable telling black women to broaden their horizons.  Black women deserve to be wives, not eternal girlfriends and the like. 

 I love black men and am thrilled to be married to a kind, gentle, loving, educated black man. However, had I not married a black man, I would have been willing to date another man of color—such as a Latino (I’m only attracted to men of color).

My advice to black women is to do as follows:

1. Get an education. Finish high school, college or trade school

2. After completing the education, start to save money

3. Consciously start thinking of getting married and only date men who are potential marriage prospects. Black women need to understand that we are not dogs or cats who don’t care who we lay up and have babies by. Dating has one purpose….potential marriage. If it’s not leading up to marriage, why bother?

4.  Consider dating a man from another culture/ethnic group—you owe black men nothing. They certainly are not holding out for you.  Look at the famous black men who chase down the first white woman or other ethnic group the second they get a buck in the bank!

Don’t misconstrue anything I’m saying.  I love black men.  I’m not attacking brothers. But I’m telling women not to wait on black men.  Move on with your lives!

I don’t see Jewish women lowering themselves to the trashy position of “friends with benefits”.  They love themselves enough to be wives and to build families.  Why do black women always feel a need to settle for yesterday’s garbage?

Friends with benefits? If you settle for that, you are nothing more than a whore. I have more respect for a prostitute because at least they get paid!


  1. Great post, Lynn. This message has to get out!

  2. I’ve been meaning to write about this “friends with benefits” phenomenon for a while now but have been extremely busy. Finally decided to create the time to write it. Yes, this message needs to get out and be taken for what it is…TRUTH!

  3. My next article will be on black men who brag about “dissing the bitc-”

    This low class attitude in the black community is ripping us to shreds.

  4. Hallelujah!!!!This is a much needed subject to discuss. I hear these young women as young as thirteen calling each other the B word like its nothing, a term of endearment. Back in the day you couldn’t call a black woman a B***h, those were fighting words(still are as far as I am concerned). They think its okay to be a man’s doormat.I love men of color and there still are MEN (not in gender only) who appreciate a woman who respects herself and exudes classiness. Girlz, get a grip!!!!

  5. I think the problem is 2 fold in that some women lack self esteem and think that they will never do better than that, so therefore they never aspire to. It is also more prevalent in familial situations where the mother may have been a single mom and had men constantly in and out of the house around her young daughter and so the daughter was seeing this and grew up to think that somehow it was ok.

    The other part of it is popular culture today. You turn on any urban music station, BET, TV-One, etc. and you see these rappers ‘makin it rain’ on women & talking about ejaculating all over them (i.e., Soulja Boy & Lil John).

    When young women are subjected to these images constantly and the young men who are their male counterparts in the current dating pool see this and think that this is the acceptable way to treat women, it ingrains this behavior in them both and says to the black woman… “you’re invalid! The only thing you’re good for is bending over in a bikini and shaking it and makin babies.”It says to the man, “Black women are nuthin but hos and baby mamas and this is how you treat them.”
    Studies have shown that once you constantly ingrain something within a species (or human being) they begin to act it out. This was a common tactic used back in the day on slaves to make them think they were less than what they were and the masters dehumanized them to make them believe that all they were ever fit to be in life was a slave. The way I see it is that this is a new form of slavery that has been perpetuated against us even by many of our own people (i.e. the entertainers who profit from this).

    As a result, the [stable] black family remains virtually non-existent and the masters of Hollyweird laugh at us and laugh all the way to the bank at our expense. Unfortunately, until we really take back our communities and demand respect as a race, we will continue to see this vicious cycle play out. And dating outside your race really won’t help you if you are caught up in this twisted mentality, as you will only let a man of another color treat you as less than, because you see yourself as being less than.

  6. B.E.T. = Black Evil Television. It hasn’t done ANYTHING positive since Robert Johnson sold out, I mean it, assuming it was worth two cents before then. Lynn, prepare for more visitors as I am forwarding this to my e-mail list. Great post and comment Lynn/Diva.

  7. What a great article. Ashamed to admit, but I was one of these women before I surrendered my life to the Lord. I am glad the Lord opened my eyes!!!! Shortly after I gave my life to the Lord He specifically told me to get rid of the man who I once had a “friends with benefits” relationship with. I went through so much with this man. More women especially black women need to wise up. If the man already has 5 children with 5 different baby mama’s what makes you think he is going to take care of your child?

  8. I’m thrilled that you are free of that monster, Psalm100.

  9. Psalm 100, no need to feel ashamed. Very few of us can say that we’ve always made the wisest decisions when it comes to relationships. I know some folks who’ve been married decades and have regrets about having met/married their own spouse.

    Just thank God that you were delivered from that relationship and prepare to receive the right person at the right time that God has in store for you!